you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
it's like heaven, but drunker
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
