we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
