I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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