im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
