Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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