I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
