well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
