Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I don't deserve a penis
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
