Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it's like iHOP with fire
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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