every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
