i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
