I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
