I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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