Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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