Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
