it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
