I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
