First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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