I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
