I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
