We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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