We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
