This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
