Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
