i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
