Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
