SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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