It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
