is your mom at the bar?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
