belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
