woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
