did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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