The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
