I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
