At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
