I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
