wanna go halves on a baby?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
