if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
