Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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