i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
