he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
