Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
