No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Dear god my vagina.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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