God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
