I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
