Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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