I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
