I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
