Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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