Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
