He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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