need another drink. this is the easiest way
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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