Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
