Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
