So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
