youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
