I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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